LAST BLOGG ENTRY

How much progress did you make in your chosen area of self-improvement? What did you learn about yourself in the process? What advice would you give to another person with a similar issue?

I think I made a lot of progress. A lot of the advice and tips I was given were mostly common sense, yet I think this project gave me the chance to FINALLY work on my issues. I've become more aware of when I am about to get angry, which I am really proud about. I learned that I'm not necessarily an angry person, but I do need to control my anger better or else I will end up hurting people that I really care about.

I would advise that you become aware of what kind of things make you made and LEARN TO AVOID. As well, relieve stress by doing something you love.

I've been on this journey for some time now, and now that this blog is coming to an end, I would like to make a recap of some of the things I learned and what I need to do to control my anger.

I learned that I explosively rage out and immediately feel guilty afterward. I need to learn what is an important thing to get angry over and when to lash out. Timing is everything. If I find myself in a stressful situation where I could easily get angry, I MUST remove myself from the situation. I learned that when I am stressed about other things in my life, I am more prone to lash out at other people or things. I have found that exercising, in my case especially running and yoga really seem to calm me down. As well, a healthier diet has made me feel MUCH happier. I need to be more conscious of my surroundings therefore I know what makes me happy and what makes me angry. This is a problem that I will have to deal with forever, but I needed to take this journey because I don't want to hurt the people I love.

Through this journey of mine, I have learned that yelling at of nowhere is not helping anyone. I know I may feel good at the time, but immediately after, I'll feel guilty and regret my actions. I find this is not good, because I am a person who believes that nothing in life should be regretted. I am going against my own philosophy every time I yell because "I feel it is important". It sounds cheesy, but I am ultimately hurting myself and it could eventually hurt the relationships that I have with family, friends, and coworkers. The sooner I learn to sufficiently control my anger rage, the better I will live life later on.

I don't know whether I've been having a really good couple of days or if I am actually getting a hold of my anger. The other day, my mom said something ridiculous. I can't remember right now what she said, but it was definitely something that I would have gotten mad at in the past. That day, I just turned around and felt nothing. I think I actually felt a sigh of relief in my stomach because I didn't lash out. I think this is partly because I have had a calm couple of days. I just don't see the reason to yell this week. I think I know why. I realized I seem really jaded when I am stressed. The more stressed I get, the easier I get irritated, the easier I have my anger fits. Managing through good times is a step towards managing anger through stressful times. I think I am getting somewhere.

Burst at Brother

Yesterday, I was having a rough day. From about 7 in the morning until about 7 at night, I was running around and did not even have a minute to lie down in my bed in relax. I went to school, then I hate to tutor, I went to work, I went to the supermarket with my mom, and then I worked out on the treadmill. I was very exhausted at the end of all this. When I get tired, I am one of those people that tends to get cranky. It DEFINITELY was a cranky day yesterday. I was sitting at my kitchen table and my brother was just asking me these random questions. I didn't really have the patience at the time, because in that moment I was looking for alone time, which he was interrupting. He kept on talking to me and I just couldn't help myself. I yelled at him. I think I said something like "Get out of my face! You are soooo annoying! Just the sight of your face and noise of your voice is really bothering me!" What I found after this anger burst was that I felt my guilt and immediately knew that I did something that was completely out of line. I find that I am beginning to realize when I should get angry and when I should avoid the situation all together, or refrain myself from yelling. I needed a couple of minutes to cool down. I learned that I shouldn't face someone I am upset with immediately because it could lead to another anger outburst. I cooled down, listened to music for a little bit and apologized to my brother. I actually felt really GOOD after I apologized to him.

Anger Quiz

A couple days ago I took an anger quiz, to find out how angry I am. There were about 25 questions. The quiz presented me with various situations and asked me whether or not I would become angry in those situations. I answered true to 16 out of 25. This meant that I was VERY angry. With the results from the quiz, it was decided that I have anger management problems and that I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELYYYYYYY!!!!! I already knew that, yet it gave me insight into what kind of situations make me angry.

This is the link to the website where I took the quiz:http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=3396&cn=116

After the fight

Earlier today, I posted about an experience that I had with my grandma. My mom told me to walk away and I did do that. I also took some of the previous advice given to me and did some YOGA. It REALLLLLYYYYY seemed to relax me!! (Plus, it was exercise).

Anger at Grandma

My grandmother lives with me. I love my grandma, don't get me wrong, but constantly living with... isn't really an ideal situation for me. Many times, I find that she is the cause of many of my anger outbursts. She nags and won't stop talking sometimes. "Eat this." "You're too fat." "Why do you have to sit in that chair?" These are constant things that she says and it goes on forever. You tell her you want silence and she still keeps going. I know she's lonely, because she's home for almost the entire day, but doesn't she realize that at times, especially after school, I want peace. I want to think to myself. I don't want to deal with anybody else talking, because I just spent the entire day surrounded by people?

Well, today, she was butting into conversation as she always does. She went on talking about things she didn't even understand, but she thought she did. So, I just snapped and I was yelling. "Who was talking to you?" "Why do you always have to give your opinions? Haven't you realized that no one really cares what you say at times?" I couldn't help it. All these thoughts came through my head and I had to yell. It was almost like an impulse.

I tried to take deep breaths. That didn't seem to help me. My mom intervened and gave me some great advice. JUST WALK AWAY!!!!!!! That's what I need to do more often. If I see myself in a situation where I feel like I will burst, I should just remove myself and just WALK AWAY. Thanks mom. That was GREATTTTTT advice!!!!

Oh, and even after I left, my grandma was still yapping about some other random stuff.

Use Humor to Release Tensions

Using Humor is ONE key to success. This could actually work for me because I LOVE TO LAUGH!!!! I love making jokes, even though they may not be funny. (Well, I always think my jokes are funny, so I think that counts for something. Okay. So. Note to self. Laugh as much as I can when I feel an urge of anger coming on.

Found on the American Psychological Association website. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx#

FInd Something to Make Me Relax

One of my books suggested that I allow myself some free time to do something that relaxes me. I've taken up running and yoga up lately. Although I might get tired and a little sore, I find that running gets all my anger out. I work my anger to push me to the end. I found that yoga relaxes me and really gives me more energy. I'm not as tired, which is great, because I find that I tend to burst in anger when I have been a little sleep deprived. I may not be able to continue these activities everyday, but hopefully I can do it often in order to get my mind off my anger.

This advice was actually given to me by a lot of my peers and family. My aunt was over my house the other day and I told her about my project in Psychology. She told me that exercising and relaxing helps A LOT. It also helps me stay in shape!!! Parents and aunts are always wise from experience SOOOO I decided to take her advice. I hope it works!!

What Angers Me in School

Yes, homework and teachers bother ALL students in the classroom, but what I really hate about school are those 5 minutes between every period. CAN PEOPLE PLEASEEEEEE LEARN TO WALK IN THE HALLWAYS?!?!?!?!?!?! Sometimes I have to walk to the other end of the school and I do not have the PATIENCE for people. DON'T WALK SLOWLY CAUSE YOU SAW YOUR FRIEND! WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE STAIRCASE! DON'T PROCEED TO STOP.THEN GO.THEN STOP.THEN GO. ANNDDDDDDD the worst! DON'T STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND WHO YOU PROBABLY SEE WAYYYYYY TOOOOO MUCH ANYWAY!!!!!!! Get a room!!!! I know this isn't really a justified reason to get angry out of nowhere, but when you endure this everyday about 8 times a day. It gets to me. I feel like I want to PUNCH every single person who does something stupid! JEEEEEEEZZZZ!!! There should be something like "hallway rules". That will never happen though. :(

Oooooopsssssss I did it AGAIN!!!

OH NO!!!! I did it today. I was driving on Route 17 to Barnes and Noble and someone cut me off and I went into the WORST rage EVER! I honked! I cursed! I even flipped the driver off! Basically, I did everything I shouldn't have. I need to learn to control myself. I know. It was a stupid thing to yell about. I just had to yell! Ugh! I guess it's not as easy as it sounds. I guess I need to find out the tips to control my anger.

Learn To IGNOREEEE!!!

What are anger invitations? Simple. Chances to BECOME ANGRYYYYYY!!!!!!What I have to do? Ignore the less important invitations. Learn to yell over what's important, not like when my brother steals my IPOD or my mom misplaces my pants. (I guess I'm guilty there. Ooops!!) I have to be angry at the BIG things, like when someone insults me or someone I care for. Fight for the things that will last me FOREVER. I HAVE to work on that.

When thinking about it, this is kind of common sense but I was given this information through the book, Letting Go of Anger... by Ronald T. Potter-Efron and Patricia S. Potter-Efron. I am finding that this book gives some REALLY good tips and advice.

Where to Start

First step: Be flexible! In order for my journey to work, I have to be open to new things. I can't be afraid. I have to try new things that I may not want to do in order to be anger-free. Okay. That doesn't seem so hard.

Second step: Recognize that anger is a part of life. Everyone gets angry. OKAY! So I'm not the ONLY one who gets angry like I do. I know not everyone can be perfect at all times. If we were happy all the time, that would be scary and really creep me out. I think THAT would make me angrier than anything else.

Third step: Accept anger for what it is. It means that something is wrong in my life. I need to look for the root of the problem. That could be a little harder to do, but it's manageable.

This is just the beginning but I think I can do this!!!

This information was found in my other novel, Transforming Anger by Doc Childre and Deborag Rozman, Ph.D. This novel was great in giving me the steps to manage and overcome my anger.

MY Anger Type

What I found out at first is that anger can to some extent be considered "healthy", as long as a person can handle it in the right way. I also found out that there are types to what kind of anger a person has. I took a quick YES/NO survey and were given a series of statements like: My anger comes on really fast. I act before I think I get angry. My anger goes away quickly. I answered YES to these questions as well as many other similar ones. This showed that I have anger that is classified as sudden anger. Thinking back on some of my anger stories, I wasn't surprised.

This is referring to the quiz that I took in my book, Letting Go of Anger: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles & What to Do About Them, by Ronald T. Potter-Efron. This quiz was located in the first couple of pages.

Characteristics

In my last entry, I told you what kind of anger I had. I further looked into it and found out some of the characteristics of my anger type. My anger comes out from nowhere, destroys everything, yet passes very quickly. I thought about it. I'm like a thunderstorm in the summer. I get this sudden burst of energy to yell, yet it passes quickly. Many times, I'll get upset. I'm not the type of person to bottle up my emotions, so I'll let it all out. I'll make as much damage as I see fit, and finish my rants. After my fits, I find myself regretting my actions and completely forget why I was yelling or realize that my actions were STUPID and completely unnecessary.

Thanks to my book, Letting Go of Anger: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles & What to Do About Them, by Ronald T Potter-Efron, there is an entire first chapter devoted to helping people identify their anger types. I took to help me find out what kind of anger I had.

What I have to do

I'm not ALWAYS angry. In actuality, I consider myself a pretty happy person. But at times, something happens and I SNAP. I yell, I throw things, and I seem to become this person that I don't know. I feel bad every time after my "anger fits" and tell myself that I won't ever do this again. Unfortunately, to my dismay, this never works out. I WANT to change. NO. I WILL CHANGE. I will fix my problem. I will overcome my temper and anger issues. FIRST STEP: identify what kind of anger I have.

"Diseases of the Brain"

I really do believe that personal issues like depression and addiction are "diseases of the brain". I believe that a person does not choose to develop issues like these. No one wants to be addicted to alcohol or drugs and nobody wants to be depressed. They may make a decision that leads them down that road, yet once they are on it, I believe that all control is lost. My uncle was an alcoholic. Yes, he chose to drink, yet after a certain point, he lost all control. Alcohol consumed his life, and although he tried everything to stop, he just couldn't. His body got so use to it, and after awhile, it became a disease, something that was always with him, even though he didn't want it.

What is your unique outlook on life in general? What type of attitude do you have towards the world around you?

I believe that everyone has a purpose in this world and that everyone will accomplish something great, even if only a few people witness it. Accomplishing something great doesn’t just mean that you have to make billions of dollars or become a movie star. You can become the most important person to just one person and that can be so fulfilling. Enjoy life and don’t get caught up in striving for an unrealistic dream.

How have your parents disciplined you over the years? How have these patterns shaped who you are? How has your environment shaped you?

My parents never really disciplined me as a child and they don’t now as well. I think they just taught me from a very young age what I should and shouldn't’t be doing. We have built such a strong relationship that I don’t feel that I can’t share most things with them. Of course, there are things that I keep private, yet I know that it is nothing that can get me into trouble. My parents yell at me when I have done something wrong, yet without heavy discipline I feel I have won their respect and trust, which are two very important things. I think this has made me into a happy person and have grown in an environment that gives me my freedom, yet reminds me when I need to rethink something.